Holiday Freebies

‘Tis the season for giving, or so I’m told.

In the spirit of the season, I just happen to have some stories to share, in the form of two holiday-themed short story collections authored by the brilliant minds of Writers, Poets and Deviants (AKA WPaD)

The first is free right now through Dec 6:

Tinsel Tales 2: Holiday Hootenanny is more than just a Christmas collection. It also includes other holidays throughout the year; there’s even a lovely Halloween one that will tug at the heart strings a little. But make no mistake; these aren’t all warm feel-good tales. WPaD is known for going a little dark at times, as you’ll see in a couple of these stories.

Overall, it’s a quick, fun read, and the price is right because, did I mention? It’s FREE! Free to download on Kindle or any other device using Amazon’s free Kindle app which is easy to download.

FREE ebook Dec 4-6!

But wait! There’s more!

Act now and you can get… wait, not quite. You have to wait until Wednesday, Dec 7 to act. But then you can download the first book for free.

Tinsel Tales: A Holiday Treasury will be free starting at midnight Dec 7 through Dec 11.

WPaD’s first holiday anthology contains a heartwarming collection of short stories and poetry that you won’t want to miss.

FREE ebook Dec 7-11

Chester Gnome

A writer friend of mine wrote this clever parody of Big Bad John, inspired by my garden gnome, who now has a name: Chester. Thanks to the talented Rick Turton, and apologies to Jimmy Dean and Roy Acuff.

Chester Gnome

By Rick Turton

~*~

Ev’ry mornin’ at the shed you could see him arrive,

He stood two-foot one and weighed, oh, ‘bout five.

Kinda’ broad at the shoulders with a pointy little hat

Everyone knew ya’ should fear and dread… Ches-ter.

Ches-ter… Ches-ter-er… Chester Gnome

Nobody seemed to know where Chester came from

Just drifted to the lawn and stood off in the sun.

He didn’t say much, (‘cuz what can gnomes say)

And if you spoke at all, ya’ just said “Hey” to Ches-ter,

Ches-ter… Ches-ter-er… Chester Gnome

Somebody said he’s from Abilene,

Where he got in a fight over a sprite named Queen

And a crashin’ blow from his stubby right hand

Sent a lawn supply troll to the Promised Land… Ches-ter.

Ches-ter… Ches-ter-er… Chester Gnome

Then came the day at the back of the yard,

When a tree fell over and the gnomes cried hard

Sprites were a-prayin’, and hearts beat fast,

All the gnomes there thought they’d breathed their last

‘cept Chet.

Ches-ter… Ches-ter-er… Chester Gnome

Through the leaves and the twigs of that tree-made hell

Walked a giant of a gnome that the pixies knew well.

Grabbed the door of the shed, and gave out with a groan,

And like a short, stumpy elf he stood there alone – Ches-ter.

Ches-ter… Ches-ter-er… Chester Gnome

With all of his strength, he gave out with a grunt,

Then a goblin yelled out, “There’s a light out in front!”

And twenty elves scrambled from a would-be grave.

Now there’s only one left in there to save – Ches-ter.

Ches-ter… Ches-ter-er… Chester Gnome

With hammers and timbers, they started back in

Then came the rumbling, a terrible din.

And leaves and twigs belched out of that shed,

Everyone knew… that Chester was dead.

Ches-ter… Ches-ter-er… Chester Gnome

Now they never reopened that worthless shack.

But out in front, they placed a handsome bronze plaque.

These few words are written on that tomb…

“Under this tree, lies one hell of a Gnome.

Ches-ter

Ches-ter… Ches-ter-er…

Chester Gnome

*To the tune of “Big Bad John” – with deepest, most sincere apologies to Jimmy Dean and Roy Acuff

You can read more of Rick Turton’s work in some of WPaD’s anthologies, such as Tinsel Tales 2. Available worldwide on Amazon.