Friend or Food – or Both?

The following advertisement is my official entry to the Evil Squirrel’s Nest Ninth Contest of Whatever – 2022!

Ever had this happen?

You try to make a sandwich, but the deli meat doesn’t match the bread?
Who thought round meat belonged with square bread, anyway?

Or are you vegetarian, but tofu makes you gag and you just can’t stop craving the taste of meat?

Lonely? Looking for a friend to share a sandwich with?

Look no further! The answer is as close as your nearest countertop.

Introducing Moofoo! The pet you can eat.

Genetically engineered from the finest mystery ingredients, Moofoo is a sentient meat substitute that tastes as good as the real thing.

He’s cute, cuddly, and delicious! And best of all, Moofoo fits perfectly on a slice of bread.

Simply shave a few slices from Moofoo’s succulent rear end and enjoy. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt Moofoo! He will purr with delight and regenerate an endless supply of delicious deli slices. No more messy mismatched sandwiches!

Moofoo: The best friend you ever tasted!

No more lonely nights eating alone!

Cuddle up and watch a movie with Moofoo, and even share your sandwich with him.

But wait – there’s more!

Order one Moofoo and get a second one absolutely free! Simply pay the shipping and handling.

Moofoo comes in seven flavors! Collect the whole set and never go hungry again!

All the flavors of the rainbow!

Moofoo is gluten-free, dairy-free, peanut-free, soy-free, meat-free, and guilt-free. (Exact ingredients unknown.)

Disclaimer: The makers of Moofoo are not responsible for side effects such as eating disorders, injury resulting from misuse of the product, allergic reactions including acne, male pattern baldness, uncontrollable sneezing, impotence, social awkwardness, unibrow, extra toes, or belief that you are Florida Man.

Moofoo: Best buddy in your tummy!


17 thoughts on “Friend or Food – or Both?

  1. Yes! This is my kind of warped humor! Thank you for yet another odd take on just what that critter on my shelf really was. Speaking of, I guess Moofoo has a long shelf life since it hasn’t begun molding yet….

    1. As a brand-new product, Moofoo’s shelf life has yet to be measured. But I’m willing to bet he would outlast even cockroaches, Twinkies and telemarketers in the event of an apocalypse!

  2. Hee! I’m not sure I could bear to eat parts of the little fella even if he does regenerate (horrific side-effects notwithstanding) 🙂

    1. I guess it depends on how hungry you are.
      As long as Moofoo is happy, all is good.
      Unlike those poor cylindrical creatures that produce Bologna slices. You have no idea the horrors they endure.

  3. LOVE IT! He is perfectly sandwich-shaped and with added pink food coloring knocks the socks off your standard bologna ……………..super cute entry Mandy…….


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